Work > Writing

The Horse Named Holy Will

One of the concepts I really liked in AA was the concept of god’s will. Long story, I was forced into AA when I was 14. I’m not actually an alcoholic, but I got a ton out of it and it probably saved my life. I’m not in the program anymore, but I’m grateful for what I gained from it. I’m sure other religions/spiritual practices have it as well, but this is my reference. The way I came to understand it was that we have these ideas and desires that can and should guide us places in life, like a northstar, but we shouldn’t be so rigid about the goals that we miss unplanned opportunities and entirely new paths that pop up along the original one. The reason for this is that as imaginative as we are, we cannot fathom the beauty, grace and fulfillment that god/the universe/spirit has in store for us. That if we cling rigidly to an outcome, we’ll probably sell ourselves short and miss out on a much more fulfilling life. In this way, it's a true collaboration between us and the divine. I was talking to my friend Salihah about this concept and she had such a beautiful term for it: holy will.

A really powerful discovery I found was that I often remain blind to this holy will until I completely preemptively surrender to it before even knowing what it is. This removes my blinders and holy will becomes clear.

So last night, Salihah and I decided to smoke weed and watch the Birdcage, but while we were outside a’blazin’ we were so taken by how beautiful it was outside and how alive we felt in the warm breeze and decided to take a night walk instead. It was the best decision we could have made, and exclaimed this sentiment to each other repeatedly. We proceeded to have the most magical walk full of laughter, wonder, and big revelations. The most powerful of which was centered around the concept of holy will. We were talking about it as we were walking by a horse behind a fence. One of us said, “Wouldn’t it be amazing to have a horse named Holy Will?” and it was met with a resounding YES!!! Just then, a HUGE shooting star streaked across the sky and we felt Holy Will, the horse being born inside us. It became clear that from now on we could ride this horse wherever we go and it will keep us on our highest potential path to the most connected, fulfilled, beautiful life full of love and wonder. Kinda like that one Jesus footsteps poem, you know the one, but there will be four sets of hoof prints behind us. And this is how it will be from now on.

So here we go, riding down the path on our horse named Holy Will, and you can too. Giddy up!

The Horse Named Holy Will

Photo by Aubrey Trinnaman